A Complete Guide to Making a Popular HPN Fanfiction
by dazai-san
Summary: Having trouble with reviews, favorites, and follows on your Harry Potter/Naruto crossover fic? Simply by following the instructions on this guide, you'll find yourself with too many reviews to deal with! (Warning: Satire.) [aka me getting passive-aggressively salty]


A Complete Guide to Making a Popular HPN Fanfiction

Having trouble with reviews, favorites, and follows on your Harry Potter/Naruto crossover fic? Simply by following the instructions on this guide, you'll find yourself with too many reviews to deal with! (Warning: Satire.)

This is basically me releasing all of the pent up frustration with trending popular fanfics. Happy reading!

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I'm glad you clicked on that URL! Thank you for picking up this guide, and don't forget to leave a review detailing how helpful it was!

Welcome to the HPN Guide! As it's a crossover between two series, let's learn how to create a popular Harry Potter fanfic first.

First tip! Make Harry Potter overpowered. He's the main character, right? Doesn't that mean he needs to be smarter, stronger, and more attractive than everybody else, never mind the fact that that's exactly what a Mary Sue is? An incredibly easy way to get attention is to put "Master of Death-Harry" or "MOD-Harry" in your summary—and boom! Instant reviews!

Second tip! Rule 63—gender-bending! Harry should obviously be a girl, right? Because girl power, and of course, when she's a girl, she's got to be super attractive, and way stronger than her male counterpart, right?

Third tip! Dumbledore is a manipulative bastard who should die! Obviously all of the people in the Weasley family are horrible people and should burn in Hell! Just make them act completely out of character, and make them do horrible things they would never do! Make an excuse for our hero/heroine to be super angsty. (Bashing Hermione is optional.) The Dursleys (despite having no canonical evidence) physically abuse him to the point he nearly dies! Clearly Voldemort and his followers are villainized people who Dumbledore used as scapegoats!

Fourth tip! Head-canons! Make all of them! Make up spells! Make canon spells even stronger! Make up things about the world, even if they completely defy canon! Who's J.K. Rowling, anyways?

Fifth tip! Throw in time/dimensional travel! Make sure it's super angsty, because after "Oh God Not Again!" by Sarah1281 nobody can ever write a time travel as funny. Or as popular.

Sixth tip! Ship Harry with everybody that he's never met, or has had very little interaction with. Who needs Ginny or Hermione when you have Daphne Greengrass?

Seventh tip! Yep, you guessed it! Throw everything into a pot and _stir_ it like one of your magical potions. Voila! Post it! Wait a bit! And wait for all the reviews!

Now, moving on to the Naruto fanfiction! Many of the Harry Potter tips apply here as well!

First tip! Naruto should be overpowered, despite already having ridiculous amounts of chakra, Kurama, Rasengan, and whatever overpowered bullshit Kishimoto came up with! He also needs to be completely out of character, and he should be the smartest person in the village! Besides, who needs ramen? Let's make him part of the ANBU, as well! And throw that angst like freaking confetti!

Second tip! Female Naruto is always better than canon Naruto in some way! Obviously, she gets more attention because she's pretty, and she's just that much smarter! But woe is her, she still has tons of emotional baggage!

Third tip! Make everything super dark and edgy! Go into lots of detail how people kill others! Sound stupidly pretentious as you attempt to delve into psychology and philosophy!

Fourth tip! High School AU! Enough said.

Fifth tip! Self-Insert OC with an edgy-sounding name and an edgy-sounding title and an edgy-sounding summary. Oh, and your OC should be a girl. Because girls are better than guys, amirite?

Sixth tip! Come up with the most outrageous pairings possible. Let's pair Naruto with everybody _except_ Hinata and Sakura! _Including his mother!_

Seventh tip! Mix the ones that match, and boom! In come the reviews!

And at last, we come to the Harry Potter and Naruto crossover section!

First tip! Follow the above steps!

Second tip! Harry in particular must be super overpowered, and a girl, with an edgy sounding name. She should take on a Naruto character as an apprentice (Naruto being the most popular) and make Naruto overpowered as well (who may be a girl). Or she could hook up with all the guys. That works too. Kakashi seems to be a popular choice. (Or both. Both works too.)

And that about wraps it up! Was there anything I missed in this guide? Please leave a review telling me what I left out, and thank you for reading all the way down!

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I fucking love satire ok

These things make me rage so hard because I see them everywhere and it's frankly annoying

Can't I have the normal naruto-goes-to-hogwarts setting like come on those are great

 _I don't need angst_

 _I don't need Mary Sue-Naruto or Harry_

 _I don't need stupid pairings that make no sense_

I am done

I am done

 _Goodbye friends I am gone_


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